people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
