just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
