Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
