Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think your dad took our porno
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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