at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
