just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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