Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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