pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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