does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
