Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
where are you?
Hypothermia
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
