I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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