Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
