Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(623): View more from Arizona

I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in

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(234): View more from Ohio

For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote

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(731): View more from Tennessee

Only thing exciting about him was his dick.

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(916): View more from California

one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess

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