the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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