Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
