he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
