i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
