Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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