if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
