good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
