that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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