butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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