Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
