1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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