why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she peed on how many people?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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