my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
