Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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