Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
