We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
