she woke up with a sticky ear
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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