There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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