Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
