oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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