There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
