my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
