I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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