i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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