If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
