Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
