i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We had sex on a dog bed..
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
