you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
