saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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