I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Be still, my beating vagina.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My dick has a subreddit
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
