My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
