Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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