The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
