We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
