i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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