wakey wakey hands off snakey
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
