i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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