And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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