Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
