every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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