Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
