Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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