i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
